On my blogging anxiety

I developed this site for a uni subject on digital media and, now that the semester’s over, I’ve been wondering whether to leave it up or take it down.

I’m very much in two minds about blogging: a part of me has always wanted to have one, but another part is completely opposed to the idea of posting anything personal online.

As someone who has always been pretty introverted, I shy away from attention at the best of times. I guess it’s no surprise, then, that I’m hesitant to put myself out there digitally.

Exposure is one thing, but there are other sides to my reluctance, too. They’re really hard to articulate or even pin down (writing this post was much more difficult than I thought it would be), but they run something like the following:

  • Why if my writing isn’t good?
  • What if it paints a bad or inaccurate picture of me?
  • What if I regret something I say later on? 
  • What if my blog impacts on my future career?

And paradoxically:

  • What if nobody reads my writing?

This all sounds pretty silly written out, but it’s surprisingly hard to shake. What I’m most anxious about, I think, is not the exposure that the internet brings but the fact that I can’t really take back anything I say online, however poorly or thoughtlessly written (that’s my perfectionism speaking).

Still, I’m going to work on this site; or at least I’m going to leave it online. It’ll probably be good for me. And perhaps I’ll even grow fond of blogging.

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